He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
