i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
