Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
