in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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