im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
