I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
