Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
