Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
