My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
