You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
