I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
