i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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