Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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