I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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