vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We left the knife in your bed.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
