god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
