Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
