There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
