3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Randomize
