my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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