Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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