I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
