i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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