Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
