You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
