shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
