He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
