Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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