if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
