I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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