There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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