i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
