god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
