you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
