He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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