"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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