You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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