Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
