addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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