Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
