I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
