I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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