i think i have two assholes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
