Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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