he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My pussy is not your playground.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize