did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
