sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
