i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
