Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Quick, to the slutcave!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize