Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
