Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
