i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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