Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
