where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
