Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Randomize
