I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize