hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
