Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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