I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
