Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
