chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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