Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This is not my ceiling
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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