The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
