it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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