You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You know, be my cock's hype man.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize