I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
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