yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
