Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
