Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
