This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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