well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
